Snake in the corner.
Recovery has been good, and today I felt almost 90% me. I spent two hours on the phone with Mom, and that helped. But I told her something that still gets to me.
After something as intense as the last few weeks happens, it is not easy to feel entirely safe and content. It’s like being in a wonderful house, with everything you need to keep you happy and well, but knowing that there is a deadly snake sleeping in a corner of one of the rooms, and you never know when that snake will decide to awaken and strike. The CB therapist says we will get rid of that problem, and I want to believe her, but after feeling the way I did, I don’t ever want to go back to that level of darkness again. I don’t know if any amount of talking will make the fear completely disappear. I have to have faith, though. Mind over matter, you know.
